This landed in my awareness at just the right time in the wee hours of this morning when I was resting fitfully. I am now praying this liturgy repeatedly this morning.

“At times my urge is to foster a false harmony through silence or by pretending to agree, diluting my beliefs to ease this tension that broods over us.”

So many with whom I am journeying now are struggling with the outcome of the election. Trauma responses are high, felt safety is non-existent, and it is so difficult to reconcile the world in which we now exist with continued life or possibility or hope…

At the same time, there are so many around me who believe the outcome that occurred is best. Those with whom I have been close, whom I have sat with and held space for and have deeply done life together… many voted for what they believe to be economic policies that will better their lives financially. Many voted for the party that has always been the “right” choice. Many voted for the only option they believed they had.

“When I feel judged or attacked, I want to tighten my arguments to prove I am right and protect myself from pain.

Anger beckons me toward self-righteousness;

I lose empathy and cannot see the other as they are.”

Existing in the midst of the two groups on either side of the current conversations has created a bubble in which I have made space for further processing of my own, and I am deeply saddened at the recognitions of how entrenched the harmful thought patterns are and all the damage they can still do.

“Remind me that this person I have loved so long is not now my enemy.

May I give no ground to our true enemy, who seeks to choke out what is good and beautiful and tangle us with hatred and dissent.

Keep my heart tender, yet strong to forgive as you have forgiven me.”

We are so divided. The world is so broken. Our communities are so ravaged by fear and anger and doubt that many are moving with eyes downcast, praying just to make it from place to place without encountering further pain. At the same time, others are moving through the country with such elation at the perceived “win” that they are completely unaware of why or how this is any different than any election in the past. They do not comprehend (and many do not care) that their celebration further communicates to people around them that the pain caused by these systems of oppression and violence matters far less than the price of groceries, goods, or gas.

If you feel that you have won this past week, please be compassionate with those who are grieving all the losses your win represents for them. If you feel you have lost this week, please be compassionate with yourself as you move through all that is to come.

As for me, I am working hard to allow my responses to be gracious to both sides. I am moving to dig into the privilege I do have and understand as much as possible how to use it to effect change. And also, I am making time to sit with the reality of the continued harms from my lifetime, recognizing the ways in which shame is still being weaponized and refusing to allow those patterns of violence against myself to take over.

“Let me not attempt to force them now into my own image, but teach me to trust that you keep reaching out to them even when I discern no immediate evidence of your movements.”

I have control only over myself. My presence or absence. My choices. My voice or my silence. My compassionate or violent responses. I control me, not others’ perception of me. Not others. I will not force anyone to do or hear or believe or choose.

I will love.

I will live love out loud.

I will love myself out loud through boundaries that keep me safe. I will love others out loud through as compassionate presentation and application of those boundaries as is possible for each situation.

“Let me embody your care by pressing in, knowing you can use even my awkward attempts at truth and honesty when they are offered in love.”

I will likely get it wrong sometimes. Please, forgive me. Call me out. Push back. For it is the primary aim of my life to love better. Just know that I will no longer be quiet to maintain comfort. Not my own or anyone else’s is worth the life and safety of any other.

This week may be radically different than the last, or it may be more of the same. I can’t control what comes, but I will choose love in response.

Drop your shoulders.

Lower your tongue from the roof of your mouth.

Relax your eyebrows.

Loosen your stomach.

Hand on your heart.

Breathe deep.

I love you.