three purple hearts

This . Every last word of this post . It’s why my children are not able to experience church like it was when my mom grew up in it, or like I did. It’s why I live by “trust but verify.” And when the verification is, “it’s church… it’s fine.” I can no longer trust. It’s why I am not quiet about what the church would rather be handled in secret. We have to deal with the “addiction to ignorance,” as Dan Scott puts it. That cannot be done until the church admits it. And from what leadership in my branch of the American, Evangelical church is saying, they are not admitting it because it would cost them too much money… which clearly implies they are more comfortable paying in human suffering, individual pain, and ultimately the lives of those sacrificed on the altar of this addiction. The narratives around why young people are leaving the denomination of my family’s history are varied. Most boil down to being stubborn, to being willful, to being disobedient, to having been lost to the curren...

  The last few weeks have been filled with a surreal mix of past, present and future. Sunday felt like a kind of jumble of it all, and gave me much to consider as life marches on. Spending the early morning in ministry, the middle of the day in community, and the evening hours considering whether the two will ever meet again… I was keenly aware of just how many times I noticed where I was, the people I was with, and the feelings I had swirling around because of it all. Grief sometimes sneaks up quietly. This time of year when changing to a new season happens at a time that has become a celebration of both life and death, when the darkness of loss meets the beauty of life and a fresh start… it’s never the simplest of seasons. Not fall or Thanksgiving. Not winter or Christmas. And with each passing year, the dramatic differences seem to be equally hope-full and sorrow-full. Some days, the dance of life is slower. At times, the steps feel to mostly move me backward. This year, the los...

It was a strange set of circumstances that combined to fill my time last week. The death of someone of familial importance, and a visit from my kindergarten Sunday School teacher collided with what life is now... full of parenting, work, ministry, and more. A hurried visit from my mother quickly brought to mind many things from both time periods... fluidly moving me from now to then and back again. The smell of cattle in the fall always flashes me back to a simpler time in life. This time was no different. Our trip to the funeral of that family member this past weekend was laced with people I have known my whole life, scents that have long meant home, and time spent in a place that likely never will be again. Returning to the present to do life and community in new and healing ways, I very tangibly became aware just how much change can happen in the grand scheme of things even when it feels like so much is standing still each day. And now, as a new week begins, as life marches on... lo...