three purple hearts

Driving home this morning after denominational meetings this last week. Well… Sean is because he’s amazing. It was such a different week than I expected it to be. From start to finish, there were surprises at every turn. And though I primarily expected them to be bad surprises… they were a solid mix, leaning heavily toward good. I find myself cautiously optimistic today. It’s not that anything specific went remarkably better than expected, but so many people leaned into such hard things that I can see hope for a time when we might move into discomfort as a community of healing rather than run from it. And I am beyond thankful that the ending to the week was a significantly encouraging conversation with someone that I didn’t even know was really watching… and then a sibling in Christ refusing to shame me for my tears, instead taking from them courage to be more vulnerable themself. I don’t always get it right. If I’m honest, I feel like I fail more than I succeed in the church. But I’m

I’ve been wearing some rather bright shirts in the name of visibility this week. But today, I reverted to my more common mental health stuff and had on a plain one that just said HOPE IS DEFIANT on the back. I’ve held onto hope for the CotN as much as I can, which for a long time now has simply been by the tips of fingers that are shaking with exhaustion. Coming to this gathering, I had very much expected to be further disheartened and to leave having finally been able to release it. However… some statements made this week do put in perspective the events that are going on here… and they give me a much more solid hope that the movement of the church toward a living out of healthy, holy love instead of the muddied legalism that has lurked for so long (not always completely in the shadows) might actually possible someday. Hope is defiant, but it is so much more than that. It is expectant… and I am expecting, in defiance of my time here, that the willingness to speak against the damaging

As I have spent time with my “spiritual family of origin” this weekend, I have been reminding myself that I have just as much right to be here as anyone… and I have been so thankful that even though most who would care to see me have reached glory, God is raising up a new generation who welcomes me to the table even when the larger “family” would rather I be gone. Even just knowing that I’m not the only black sheep gives me hope that maybe it won’t always be quite as lonely as these last few years have been. This came across my feed as the service tonight was ending. And as I process the day, it landed squarely. It made me sad but also gave me something to hold onto. I won’t betray my siblings or myself any longer. The secrets are harming people, and I will not be loyal to the systems of oppression and violence that are pushing people off the branches of the family tree. I love you all.

The wedding went off with very few hitches! We are so thankful to have been able to celebrate Jeffrey and Carolyn last weekend, and that none of the problems we imagined came about. It just goes to show how much time can be wasted fretting. We’re on the way to Indianapolis today. It’s not the first time we’ve headed to General Assembly as a summer trip, but only time will tell if it is the last. After this trip, we’re in the countdown to a lot of life changes. I accepted a position with Heartland 180 Inc. in Wyandotte County. I’ll be taking on the role of Parent and Family Support Coordinator as of July 1. It’s a big transition for our household, but we’re believing God is in it. Life marches on, and we are thankful to still be marching with it. This week, we are focused on people. Those we know and many we don’t, those we like, and many we’ve long avoided. I don’t care who they are anymore, this is the week to love out loud… like I was taught to by generations of the faith-full bef