three purple hearts

I went to the Abbey of Gethsemani in Trappist, Kentucky, yesterday. I heard about it from a musician that I have listened to for a long time by way of a song that has really resonated in recent years. Since I would be traveling right by there anyway, I planned a visit.   The song talks about a statue of Jesus on a knoll in the hills, and I thought I had done enough research to be able to find it. There were signs and paths, and surely it wouldn’t take too long. I was supposed to meet my cousin for brunch afterward, and I didn’t want to be late.   So, I got to the Abbey and parked at the trailhead. One sign, one trail, and pavers to mark the way. I walked into the woods, determined to find that statue. The first indication I might not have known what I was getting into was a footbridge across a small ditch. Not so small that I could jump it. Deep enough and muddy enough that I would have to trust this bridge. But it was so narrow… and there was only a rail on one side. I was no...

On our last evening by the ocean, we managed to make it to the beach to see the end of the sunset.  I spent several hours by the water this morning, too. Just something about the sand underfoot and the waves crashing in brings peace. This trip has been full of time to reflect and contemplate what is next. While I'm still not positive about that, this week has offered a new outlook with little glimpses of hope coming into view. Perspective has shifted... As the world around me keeps moving, I feel more and more prepared to make decisions well. Not that I will always do so... but even in that knowledge, there is grace. My prayer these days is that I will continue to grow in a healthier direction. That I will be confident in who I am now, able to respond from reality instead of history. And that I will love well, whether with boundaries or hugs.  Starting with you.  I love you, friend.  💜💜💜

I've been talking about the night sky and pinpoints of hope in several different circles lately... It's been a recurring theme that has just kept coming up. So tonight's excursions became a visual representation of hope to me.   I love the stars... and seeing how many there are while standing in the cold wind, smelling the ocean, and feeling like there is something bigger than me at work right now was an excellent way to end a not great day.   See, I love to travel. Being with people doing hard things all over the country (or on the other side of the world) and supporting them in whatever way I can is such an incredible experience. But it never fails that something at home will fall apart when I'm gone, causing me to consider whether I could have prevented it and where my responsibility really lies. It's been a journey to come to a place where I can accept that I'm not a bad parent for leaving home sometimes. I'm not a bad wife for doing things beyond the ho...

This morning, I dropped Beverly off at her intensive and found a quiet beach.   Don’t worry… I didn’t fall in again.   I did spend a longer time than I planned to just watching the waves and listening to the silence that comes when the world around me stops. Nothing started playing in my mind. Not a to do list, or a voicemail, or even a song… it was just the wind and the waves stilling the internal noise.   From there, I went to see friends. Many who have become the family of my heart are on this side of the country and I was so thankful to get to see several at once before sneaking into an actual church service at New Season Church of Ventura … walking in just in time to catch Pastor Rafael preach.   Oof. What a word. God has certainly used pastor’s proclamations from pulpits to drive home his points lately. Pastor Tammy has left me rattling things around the last few weeks and today the call to extravagant love carried forward to my time here and Raf’s message th...

I got to go to the ocean today. It has been so long since I’ve gotten to enjoy the waves that I had all but forgotten the way the sound of them crashing can wipe away worry in much the same way as they wash away footprints on the beach.   Listening to the water, exploring the sand, examining the rocks… my original child was so enjoying life that I momentarily forgot to watch for the waves. And suddenly, I was in the water. A wave had come up quickly and washed the sand out from under my feet. In my surprise, I scrambled to escape the inevitable and instead dropped my phone, lost my shoe, and was momentarily disoriented from the cold of the water. It took just a second for me to grab all my pieces before the wave carried anything out. And then I heard a voice asking if I was okay. On this rainy day, the beach had been all but deserted… until it wasn’t. After he made sure I was good, he told me it probably didn’t help because I hadn’t gotten to see it, but he did the same thing a few...

I watched the sunrise in Phoenix this morning. This is one of my favorite places to do that. It’s strange to think that it was almost four full years ago when I was here for the first time. Now, though it is just a stop on the way to somewhere new as I continue discovering where God is leading, a layover here provides time to be grateful for time to meet my original child at the beginning of a new adventure. Happy 2023! I love you!